Kyeli Smith is pretty fucking smart. She understands a few things about problem solving—first and foremost, that formidable mythical monsters are excellent multitaskers.

She understands that sometimes the most confusing and difficult problems are best solved with unorthodox solutions.

She understands that the solution you’re searching for is sometimes the one hiding in a rarely-sought (or ridiculous) corner.

And she understands that sometimes the shape of the solution isn’t technically real, but its effect on the problem is. Even if the hydra she decides to hire is actually a very talented (human) assistant, the hydra in her head is the solution, because it allows her to hand off a powerfully overwhelming mindset to a delegate, and thereby move forward through her life less encumbered, freed for challenges ahead.

If the hydra she decides to hire is entirely “imaginary” (who can suppose under such circumstances?), it accomplishes the same results.

Search everywhere for solutions. They don’t exist only where you think to look.

(I know I said I’d do this several days ago. Aggiecon was more time-intensive than I expected, and Austin has beseiged me with allergens. But aren’t you just bonkers excited that I’m here now?)

I’ve bought prints in the past, mostly when I was trying to make my 9-to-5 office an enjoyable place to work. Other than that, print buying isn’t really something I do. A print at an art show has to resonate with me powerfully for me to want it, and it needs a certain additional degree of excellence for me to actually buy it. (I’m sure a lot of people function the same way.)

What did I promise again? Intrique? Woe and introspection, right? Morose… princesses? I don’t remember. Tell the story, Megan.

When we arrived at Aggiecon 2008, last year, we found ourselves in the unique position of having to go through Marty’s display art and censoring nipples. No nipples were allowed in the art show, so they gave us a roll of blue tape and we, uh, taped ‘em up. Marty’s artwork had plenty of nipples to censor! We were a little peeved. We talked to the show staff about it, and they obviously weren’t happy with it either—they showed us some really beautiful mail-in work that they couldn’t even include in the show, and more that they bikinified so that they could still display it.

Don’t get me wrong; I think bikinification with blue tape is very funny as a general rule. But I don’t think it’s funny when it’s censoring and effectively destroying the effect of a really nice piece of artwork. The blue bikini’d artwork, in this case, was Sarah Clemens’ St. Labia trilogy: Three nude incarnations of “St. Labia, the patron saint of pornography.” Each piece was wrapped and matted and contained the same lewd gesture, and the effect was really striking: Beautiful technique, unorthodox theme. Even better, I thought they were funny, and poignant, and just plain neat. Worth seeing. (If you want to see them, here’s Sarah’s nude prints page. Buy stuff from her. She’s awesome.)

The blue tape bikinis covered up the usual suspects, but they didn’t cover up the titles (“St. Labia” is fairly straightforward) and they didn’t cover up the lewd gesture. I wasn’t offended by any part of it, but the fact that the censors were picking and choosing was particularly absurd. Even if we bypass the whole argument about natural bodies and sexual denial, this was a stupid situation, and it was probably going to affect the artists’ ability to sell their work. We had put tiny pieces of tape on Marty’s artwork, just barely covering the “offensive” parts—but the blue bikinis on St. Labia covered too much. Who would buy them now, I wondered? I walked around the entire con talking about how shameful it was, how unfair to the artist, and how insensitive it was to her hard work. This offended me—not the freaking nudity.

Aggiecon 2008 went on; Angel instituted blue tape censorship of all willing con-goers. I bummed around the dealers room and found nothing I wanted. I was disheartened and grumpy about it. Nothing called out; nothing spoke to me. Nothing said “BUY ME.”

And then I realized that wasn’t true.

St. Labia had to be protected from their censored fate, and I was going to protect them. I was going to rescue them from blue tape bikinis. And once I’d bought them, I could show them to whomever I wanted.

Take that, censorship!

Victoriously, I paid the art show people and we peeled the bikinis carefully off my new prints. A cheer went up as they reminded me that the prints were no longer under their purview, so I could wave them around like a pro-sex heathen if I wanted. (I won’t say I didn’t have the urge.) I heard a rumor that one of the staff had bought a piece called “Dragonplay” (on this page, and nsfw, obviously), having felt bad that they couldn’t display it and not wanting the artist to suffer for it. As for me, who cares whether I would have bought them in a different situation? I felt like we had triumphed over evil. Save St. Labia, save the world.

I took my prints home and gave them pride of place on my bedroom wall, feeling silly in some ways and brilliant in others. They resonated with me because I wanted to protect them, because they represented a not-always-welcome artistic and sexual expression that I think we all need more awareness of.

In 2009, Marty was christened “The Boobie Guy” for his part in all of this. (I guess if it sticks, at least it’s accurate—he draws enough of them.) “You’re the reason we have that room,” the art room attendant told him when he arrived, explaining that now the nudes were left uncensored and displayed in a separate area, requiring them to check IDs. Three of Marty’s canvas prints were displayed in the public area, and three more—sans censors—are displayed in what has apparently been dubbed the Dirty Old Man Room. (If this catches on, it’s Marty’s fault.) We still think it’s a little silly for the nude work to be separate (and I guess that’s really just the kind of folks we are), but it’s a hell of a lot better than taping it up or not displaying it at all. The staff members we spoke to were obviously happier with this solution.

Also in the quiet sanctity of the Dirty Old Man Room (you guys know by now that no link in this post is work-safe… right?) was a fourth incarnation of St. Labia, newly released this year.

At least, it was there until I bought it.

It seemed only appropriate!

In successful Google searches, all you really need to do is find the right search phrase. You can do dozens of searches but until you find just the right phrase, the information you’re looking for can stay buried forever. It can take hours. Days. (Way more than that. Ages!)

But the minute you find the right search phrase, everything turns around. The information is right there. It seems incredibly easy, and you can’t believe it took you so long to find it.

Problem solving is like that, too. All it takes is the right thought, and suddenly you have no problem at all. You’ve found the solution.

The way I find alternate search phrases when I’m doing web research is the same way I find alternate idea patterns in problem solving. I take all the knowledge I have—including possible answers—and turn it over in my head (like a Rubiks Cube). I look at it from all sides. I figure out what it would look like (or sound like, or smell like) if I turned it inside out, or stuck one half on backwards, or liquidified it, or covered it in sequins. Once I name the thing I’ve created, I have a new idea to try—or a new search phrase.

Once you get the hang of doing this very fast, you can come up with dozens or hundreds of ideas or solutions or search phrases for just one problem (or question). The more ideas you generate, the greater the possibility that you’ll plug one in and find an excellent solution sitting right there in front of you. Whistling innocently and twiddling its thumbs. Like it was there the whole time.

Little stinker.