This has been a really hard decision to make, for me, and it brought up a lot of difficult feelings that I thought I’d gotten rid of. Hey, I’m on the Great Learning Curve Called Life. ;}
When all of this started—Seth’s !MBA, and my excitement—I was willing to do a lot to get to New York for six months. [For non-Triiibesters, this included starting a whole new business idea and signing myself up for a lot of extra effort during that six months!] But it didn’t take long for me to realize that a big to-do wouldn’t be in my best interests; a huge undertaking that distracts from the whole point, from my ability to participate in the program itself, doesn’t make sense here, especially with the important things I have going on in my life. I’m not willing to uproot the progress I’ve made on my projects, and Marty’s projects. We are doing great things, and I refuse to short them in any way. The only way this makes sense is if it HELPS me, helps my projects, and moves me forward.
There were some things I wasn’t willing to do from the get-go. I wasn’t willing to go without good fresh meals and I wasn’t willing to do anything that would put Marty in a difficult position (like asking him to get another full-time job or derailing his plan to work for himself). I wasn’t willing to endanger our finances, precarious as they are, because we’ve worked hard to be in a position where we know where we’re going, and we don’t have to get jobs “just for the money” in order to do it (well, so far!). That’s not something I’m willing to put on the line.
Right now, there is only a very specific scenario in which I’m willing to go to New York—and it’s painful to say it, because I know it probably means giving up the opportunity. Here’s the thing:
I don’t NEED to go. I want, want, badly want to go. But I’m strong, and I can make my own opportunities. (My god, that’s a scary thing to say in public.) I’m smart, and I can figure this thing out—with or without the !MBA. The fact that such a program would dramatically, brilliantly hasten my progress and allow me to help a lot more people a lot more quickly—that’s so compelling, and hard to resist, but I can’t deny the truth: One way or another, I’ll be okay.
That said, I’m going to put in a fantastic application. I have something powerful to say, and I’m going to say it in the clearest, most exciting way possible. If I don’t go to New York, my application will stand on its own, and it will say something about me. Maybe something that really needs to be said. (After all, when they asked me to speak about myself at Toastmasters, I put it off and put it off. Maybe I need to stop putting it off.)
The second part is that I’m going to decide exactly what I would need to spend six months in New York. “Letting the universe handle it” has always been a superbly successful strategy for me, but let’s engage in a small reality check—the universe can’t do nuthin’ unless I ask for what I need. And too many people have sent me messages of support and offers of assistance for me to ignore the possibility that all the pieces could, in fact, come together, and make something really mindblowing happen. I can’t ignore that; not possible.
So, there’s my manifesto. [The asking for what I want will happen in another post—very soon!]
If this doesn’t happen… I’m okay. I am brave and clever and by god, if anyone can do this without an !MBA, I sure as hell can. (If I’ve proven nothing else in the last ten years, I’ve proven that.) Who knows? Maybe I’ll have another chance to work with Seth. It could happen. And not just for me—it could happen for you. Take a good hard look at your life and the kind of power you have inside you. You can make your own opportunities, too.
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