I’ve had a sinus infection for the last week or so. I’m very close to being healthy again—I am still easily exhausted and have to be careful about how hardcore I work, and my sinuses still feel very tight, but most of my other symptoms are gone and I feel fine otherwise.

I am 95% certain that cheese caused this sinus infection.

As such, I am 95% certain that dairy in general is responsible for the unending string of sinus infections—exact same symptoms, exact same progression, every single time—that I’ve experienced over the last ten years. Ten?? TEN. I know, it sounds crazy, but I remember this same problem in high school and college. Then it was about the dust; if I had a staged performance where I had my face near the floor for any length of time (Hansel and Gretel, for instance), or if I accidently breathed a gust of dust particles on a windy day in the city, I’d find myself fighting one off. But recently, it’s also about a growing sensitivity to dairy—and dairy might have been part of the problem all along. In the last few months I’ve stopped eating anything cheese-like, or milk-like, as an experiment. And then I had some rice pizza with cheese on it, and a nice man at a coffee shop unknowingly gave me regular milk instead of soy in my chai, and then I had this delicious creamy soup… and the rest is history. Because my sinuses were feeling great before that happened.

There’s still plenty of possibility that I’m wrong. Hell, I could be making it all up! But we’ll find out soon enough, when I stop eating dairy for the rest of my life and never again have a freaking sinus infection!!

Now that’s battle cry worthy.

Last night I had a dream that I was devouring a huge cheese pizza with a bunch of friends. I got halfway through and looked down at all the pizza and felt my full stomach and shrieked, Aaaaa! What am I doing!?

It was funny.

Maybe you had to be there.