I visited my parents in Youngstown at the beginning of October, and practiced Shiva Nata every day on the huge porch surrounded by gorgeous living trees and bugs and birds and cool, crisp air. There was a huge rainstorm the first few days, and it was amazing to practice on the porch with rain falling all around me. I didn’t use the DVD while I was there, but I made so much progress and got so much peace of mind.

I played with the dogs outside while Dad did his daily walk, and Otto—who last visit had a boot—now had a bucket. A really mangled, chewed-on bucket. It was a freaking riot. “Otto and his boot,” Marty says. “Otto and his myriad things that he has. Otto and his bucket. Otto and his mail-order bride.” Yes. Any day now.

I got a great raw “cook”-book (Raw Food Made Easy For 1 or 2 People) and made awesome raw recipes for my family most of the time I was there. Guacamole and romaine wraps and chard salad and raw chocolate cake and fresh vegetable lasagne, crazy! It was so delicious. Mom gave me a Christmas present—a great looking book on food that I had to leave there for now because it wouldn’t fit in my bag to come home!

I launched the fabulous blog of Pace and Kyeli. It was really exciting! (The Usual Error Project has launched, too. I talked about it all in my project blog!)

I sang a great program for the Niles Gymanfa Ganu Association and hugely enjoyed seeing my friendly Welsh people again! The sun attacked my eyes, but I adjusted and all was well. (Geraint Wilkes was fabulous as ever, and the Shenango Valley Chorale sang fantastically!)

I successfully managed to videochat with Marty using iChat (we haven’t tried since he bought his new laptop!), but not until the last day of my trip. (Silly!) I had a revelation about parents and mindful purpose. I decided that I don’t want to fly anymore if I can avoid it (though I’m sure there will be exceptions).

And then I came home to my comfy red chair.

Don’t think I forgot how gorgeous Youngstown can be in the autumn—that is why I brought my camera, after all. I had a fantastic time running around on the porch with the dogs, and taking pictures outside—just a few days before the snow came.

The man three seats down is watching Boogie Nights on his laptop—without headphones. I’m pretty amused. Someone else, across from me and a few seats the other way, is devouring a fast food dinner. McDonald’s, with various dipping sauces. Pittsburgh’s wifi is free, and I like that. My mother bought me chicken noodle soup before I went through security. Who knows how long it had been sitting in that warmer before it came to me; I ate a few bites, slowly, and let Dad have the rest.

I have four snack bars in my briefcase—funny Kashi TLC things, cereal bars I guess, crunchy and pretty good. They don’t taste like sugar, or additives. That’s kind of awesome. Maybe I’ll have another when I get on the plane.

I’m sleepy, I’d guess, because of all the refined stuff I ate at the Italian restaurant in Girard. It was a cute restaurant, but it served restaurant food (of course) and although the shrimp and mussels were delicious, they came with your usual run-of-the-mill bread and pasta. (That’s like a joke! Run-of-the-mill! I kill me!) The further something is from the ground it grew in, the more havoc it seems to wreak on the joints in my hands. Ow. Refined wheat and sugar seem to be the worst culprits, but it’s more complicated than that. I haven’t quite figured it out, but I will.

Vixen told me this weekend about Casa de Luz, which apparently specializes in macrobiotic cuisine—all real, whole organics. And I think Christopher Barzak said something about wishing for higher quality cuisine in Youngstown. God, if Youngstown had someplace like that, I would have eaten there all weekend. I know these places must exist somewhere in or around the Mahoning Valley, short of Cleveland or Pittsburgh. I would love to hear about them. And if they don’t, it’s certainly time to bring them in, don’t you think?

It’s time for my flight to board. See ya’ll in Houston! (Well, for an hour, anyway.) ;}

In November I’ll be visiting Youngstown for a long weekend for business (and birthdays!), with no clear idea of what net access will be available. My flights there and home are on Thursday Nov. 1st and Monday Nov. 5th, respectively, so if I go incommunicado you can expect me back the 6th (Tuesday) or thereabouts.

With Youngstown business so much on my mind these days, I would have liked to extend my visit—which I think I’ll do when I go in February. There’s a lot to see and do in Youngstown these days, and I don’t know the half of it. (Don’t worry, I promise to find out, and report back…)

If you need anything in the meantime, you know where to find me. ;}

Remember yesterday’s Intangibles post on the Virtual Magpie blog? Well, I couldn’t just overlook the rest of Brooke’s comments! So here you go: Brooke’s top five most incredible things happening in Youngstown. I was a shrew to only give her five slots, but I had to start somewhere… ;}

The Energy

I think that the most incredible thing happening in Youngstown is intangible: the energy. The amount of excitement and opportunity, and that swell of feeling that envelops everything as people start to realize what opportunity really looks like. It’s the acknowledgment that there is so much we can do and nothing holding us back (or at least, nothing that we cannot change in order to get what we want).

Link (Virtual Magpie).

The Oakland Center for the Arts

Another thing that Brooke talked about being super excited about—and justifiably biased for—is the Oakland Center for the Arts downtown. This is a case, she said, of a Youngstown-based non-profit with a lot of years behind it still putting up a fight, changing to keep up with the times, pushing to offer more to the community.

[...] When every other theater has a 5-show season, we push for 7. We choose contemporary shows. We look for offerings that reflect real people and have a strong connection to issues that genuinely concern this area. At the same time, we’re learning to grow our off-stage opportunities as well, like our art gallery and open mic nights.

In all of this, the thing I can’t stop thinking about is the open mic night. It sounds like far too much fun—just look at the variety of acts they’ve hosted: drag queens, drag kings (stop my heart), Broadway belters, local bands, solo acts, spoken word artists, comedians, tap dancers, painters, even film trailer debuts. I haven’t been able to tell exactly when the next might be, possibly because the most recent was so recent, but wow. It actually makes me want to coordinate my next Youngstown visit based on their schedule!

She also mentioned that the Oakland is starting to do more outreach with other non-profit and creative groups, like First Book (I can only assume she means this, and Tyler Clark talks about First Book Mahoning Valley here) and the YSU Poetry Center, which looks awesome.

(Update: Ah-ha! The next open-mic—they call it The Stage, which I think is such a great name, is Sunday, October 28th (“Stage Fright!”), a Halloween edition—hee! Brooke has a post about it here. Dude.)

The Youngstown Arts Scene

I’m in Austin now, but even I’m excited about Youngstown’s art scene. There seems to be a lot of conversation from all corners about pushing the creative edge in the Youngstown area to get the right juices flowing, and that’s so exciting—hell, that’s one of the big reasons I moved, to get access to a city with that creative edge. If Youngstown starts moving in that direction (and from close accounts, it seems it may already have begun) it would bring a very particular kind of awesome energy to community efforts. James Seckler had me start reading Richard Florida’s The Rise of the Creative Class, and it’s providing some really interesting arguments for the role of creativity in economic prosperity. Not to mention, I’d love to visit family for Christmas and have an exciting arts scene to explore! The value is there—the opportunity is ours to nourish it, help it become amazing. Brooke also mentioned that the new Mahoning County Convention & Visitor’s Bureau is targeting area arts, and I love the sound of that.

Youngstown Weekends

I love that I cannot book an event at the Oakland without triple checking to see what else is happening…

Brooke pointed me to Valley24.com’s FABULOUS Events section. Give this thing a try—it looks really nicely put together (and it has an option that lets you support local bands).

New Businesses in Youngstown.

New businesses. Man, don’t get me started. I wonder if the businesses in Youngstown realize what an incredible opportunity is being handed to them. Brooke mentioned Ohio Vintage—owned by Aspasia Lyras, who did the costuming for a ton of my high school productions at Ursuline, eek!—and how exciting it is to see the business grow, and network, and build community. My list of things to see and people to visit is getting so long! And businesses are popping up like that—all over the Mahoning Valley. (Also: Aaaah! Vintage clothes! Glee!)

Dude!! Aren’t you excited just reading about it?? I’m very grateful to Brooke for getting back to me, because her answers really got my brain turning. She also suggested that I contact a few other prolific Youngstown minds—I rather think I will. Anyone want to volunteer? ;}

I’ve been trying to come to terms with my feelings about Youngstown, complicated and / or simple as they might be—and in the meantime, I haven’t written a thing. Why? Well… what if I don’t write the right thing?

It’s ironic that I’ve felt this way, fleetingly, and ignoring it, because it’s the same thing that keeps scads of people from doing anything with real meaning. We don’t think we’re good enough, we don’t think we have the right skills… We may have feelings on the subject, but we’d rather sit back and let other people act. The people who know what they’re doing. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in eight years of design work, eight years of business building, and wow, at least eight years of singing on stage… None of us know what we’re doing. None of them know what they’re doing, either.

And if we all were to sit back and enjoy the show, not a damn thing would get done.

You can see the problem, can’t you?

So remember: We don’t have to be perfect. We don’t have to say or do something groundbreaking, something that knocks their socks off. We don’t have to have everything excellently organized, or start with the best office furniture, or have the most exquisitely designed blog. We just have to stand up, and start anywhere.

And then all we have to do is… keep going.

That’s all.

This is difficult to write.

I started writing this Friday, and I’ve been working on it for days. This is really a dramatic change, if not a sudden one. It feels like an about-face, and it’s a little embarrassing. I’ve been thinking on it for a long time. I’m absolutely sure about it now.

Here’s what I started with: hometown negativity.

Over the last two or three years I have expressed a lot of unhappiness about Youngstown, where I lived for twelve years before moving to Austin. By then, Youngstown seemed representative of everything that was wrong with the world; dead economy, abandoned buildings, friends with unwanted pregnancies and DUIs, and people I cared about displaying careless attitudes about sex, safety and sanity. It felt like an environment feeding on itself. It felt like a bad place to be.

While I lived there, I was constantly avoiding social interaction. Everything happened at a bar, with alcohol, which is one thing, and cigarette smoke, which is another. None felt moderated: If we were getting drunk, we were getting very drunk. As a result, I spent a lot of time at home, by myself. On top of that, business felt wrong – the whole vibe felt wrong. If someone was doing good business in Youngstown, it definitely wasn’t me. Without a solution I was pretty sure I’d be closing up shop in favor of fast food job security, because who else would pay the rent on my cardboard box? Family finances were headed downhill. It was time to move to greener pastures while I still could. So I did.

The contrast between the incredibly unhealthy space I occupied in Youngstown and the overwhelmingly positive space I now occupy in Austin was unbelievable. It reinforced my certainty that Youngstown was a dangerous place to live – the environment, the influences, and many depressed, thoughtless people. To me, Youngstown was synonymous with trapped.

As you might expect, I wanted the people I loved out of that city. I wanted my friends and family to make their own decisions, but I wanted them to know where I stood: Not in Youngstown. I expressed this frequently.

As it turns out, I was kind of wrong.

Anything out there is only what we perceive it to be, but I didn’t have access to another perspective – at least, not that I knew. One fellow with whom I crossed paths had a plan, and seemed to have the funds to back it up, but he was just one possibility. There were others, I’m sure now, but I didn’t know them. They didn’t exist for me. I don’t think I realized what was going on until this year, when I started to really pay attention.

There was something happening in Youngstown back then, and it’s become much more powerful since. Something really interesting: the presence of revolutionaries!

My reality then was that Youngstown was a lower circle of hell, and irredeemable. It’s all rather shameful. Irredeemable?? Oy. Anyway, that’s the way I felt. I felt that way recently. But then I started learning about the people who are doing something positive in Youngstown, and I’ve changed my mind. I mean, really changed my mind!

This year I started hearing some crazy things out of the Mahoning Valley. Crazy, crazy things. Hearing that people were working hard, creating a new vision of the city they wanted to live in. What?? You mean you can make something what you want it to be?! Hell, I knew that! I sure never tried to apply it to a whole town. Business building is something I am really interested in, but city building? Sounded too big. Maybe impossible.

But then I started to hear all about how it was working.

I’m always a little astonished to find out what a dip I can be. Because why shouldn’t it work? Why on earth shouldn’t every single person in Youngstown be as powerful as I’ve always been so sure human beings can be? And why shouldn’t I expect them to manifest that, and make something wonderful? I don’t frickin’ know. But it’s awesome!

So, I’ve been reading Brooke Slanina’s Oakland Stage blog, and a ton of others; Brooke goes on and on about the possibility of growth in Youngstown, but there’s always this underlying thread that it’s dependent on what Youngstowners themselves are willing to do. The city needs the effort and focus of citizens to survive, and more than that, to become brilliant. All of my Youngstown negativity would still be real to me, if it weren’t for the time and attention of really real people working to make it better. Those people exist, I have discovered, and they have the intelligence and creativity and pure force of will to back their awesome ideas! Brooke hasn’t been kidding me all this time. She’s not fucking around, either.

Youngstown has been all over the national news. NPR covered the city’s plan for “shrinkage” – go ahead, laugh. It’s a great plan! John Edwards’ poverty tour, Youngstown 2010, the awesome activities of the Youngstown Business Incubator, not to mention stuff on C-Span, in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal – it’s time to pay attention! People are doing something now. They need help.

The idea of watching and not helping gives me horrible physical pain. They’re doing what I always wanted, when I was disconnected from everything, but never knew quite how to start. If I had known this was going on before the Austin Vortex drew me south, who knows what might have happened? But that was then, and this is now. And we can help now.

I have some big ideas about how I can affect Youngstown’s new energy from where I am, but most of them will take time. Some of you are still there, uncertain or struggling. You know something needs to be done, but you don’t know what to do. This is something you can do. At the absolute least, it’s time to start taking action to change the way we think about this city.

I used to tell people to leave before they no longer had a choice. But that’s not fair. It’s not fair to the city, or to the people who are working hard to make it better. And it sure as hell isn’t fair to those who might leave because they “have to”, when in staying they could make an incredible difference.

If you can stay, and make that difference… please do.

God, I understand needing to make one’s fortune elsewhere. If I had known all this would happen, I might still have gone south – many people are having a hard time making ends meet in the rust belt, and I am intimately familiar with that wavelength. You don’t have to convince me. If you’re that person – the way I was last year – then for heaven’s sake go and do what you need to do.

But some of you… some of you are doing okay. Some of you can make a real difference by staying, by getting in the loop with other Youngstown revolutionaries and making all of this work.

Whoever you are, whatever situation you’re in, I am trying to persuade you to believe in this. And now I’m going to persuade you to say something. Because it’s easy.

I’m going to tell you exactly what you can do to help.

No matter who you are or what’s going on, there are three things you can do to start helping right now, with almost no effort on your part! It doesn’t take much to get the word out, and here are some really easy ways to do it.

I know that many of you want to do something positive, but you feel stuck. Oh god do I know that feeling. But there are so many people who want to help, and who can use your help. If you are feeling stuck, or afraid, it’s okay. Email me. IM me. Comment here, and we’ll help each other. The more of us that band together to create this thing, the faster it will happen and the more amazing it will be. Youngstowners are envisioning a healthy economy, a growing city, an urban paradise – but they need people to make it happen. If that sounds as awesome to you as it does to me, then I’ve done what I set to accomplish with this first post! (That makes me so happy.)

I’m doing something from 2200 miles away. What are you waiting for?!