Want = Take

by Megan M. on February 15, 2006 · View Comments (Blog) |

Today is February fifteenth: Exactly a month until March fifteenth, which I do not recall because of its super funtime day-late Idesiness, but because it is the day I have come to associate with moving to Austin. Big Drive Day.

I still don’t know what day we’ll leave. I don’t know that it will be the fifteenth. I’ve been saying mid-March, half March, Marchish. And what rings in my head is March fifteenth, March fifteenth, March fifteenth. We could pack up and go the fourteenth. We could leave early on the seventeenth and drive sixteen hours wide-awake straight, high on Monster, assuming we don’t fuck up directions and end up in a bayou. (Yeek! I’ve seen too many horror b-movies to think that’s a neat idea!)

Having a month to go (and, in my head, exactly a month) is at once incredible and painful. There’s too much to do before it runs out, and somehow not enough. So many plans have been made, I physically ache when I try to think how I am going to spend a whole month before I can get down to business. It does not feel like I am leaving people I love. It feels like I am leading them elsewhere. Yes, I’m such a hero.

Despite that ache, I know that the month will go all too quickly. It’ll be gone before I know it, and I won’t have done everything I meant to. I tell myself these things to calm, to chill. To slow the rush, because otherwise all I’ll remember is the rush. Flights back to Youngstown will be precious while I’m getting settled. I don’t know when the final dose of financial security will be dealt. I don’t know when I’ll get to fat savings account happy fairy land.

I know I’ll get there. I just don’t know when.

When it gets over with, I’ll be sad it’s done. Isn’t that funny? Wanting to go and wanting to stay? Taking Austin feels like the right course of action, wanting both. As if it somehow solves both problems. Both urges. When did all of this happen? Whose idea was it? And how the hell is it finally coming to pass, when it might have done oh-so-many other times?

Meh. The world is weird and wonderful.

It’s 11:08, and I’m going to bed.

  • robert
    I just got back from Austin and am more than remotely jealous that I won't be moving there.
  • worldmegan
    Okay. You're right. He's probably not crazy about 'The Satanic Witch', either (but that's not too bad a book!). I think the Christians should just cop to their sordid history and move on with their lives. I mean, what's wrong with admitting mistakes, especially if it helps to illustrate your current good intentions?

    I read the DaVinci Code awhile back when it came out, but I won't tell you what I think about it until you've finished it. (Unless I already told you at some point, in which case I guess the point is moot.) But you don't need THAT excuse - there are LOTS of good excuses. :}
  • pearlbeachlady
    when you said "that's the book the pope doesn't want you to read" it implies that there is only ONE book the pope doesn't want me (us) to read. I am sure there is more than one book. and anyway, i guess i can see why. it talks about all this rotten stuff catholics and christians have done over the years. it's pretty interesting. i'm curious to see how it ends.

    if you ever finish the dark tower, you can borrow this one too. that would be a good excuse to take a trip to austin (rather than paying exorbitant shipping costs) :-P
  • worldmegan
    HEY! That's the book the pope doesn't want you to read. :-D
  • pearlbeachlady
    oopies. i'm not a very careful reader/clicker-on of links. Especially when there is sushi (or talk of sushi) on the brain....

    I'm sure you don't need to beware of some silly roman supersition. Look at all the other things they've messed up: Christianity, government, etc. hehe

    *conspiratorily goes back to reading THE DA VINCI CODE*
  • worldmegan
    That's what I linked to. ::giggle:: Except, what it says is that ACTUALLY the 15th of THEIR March corresponds with the 14th of OUR March. Isn't that interesting? I mean, I guess we could be superstitious about OUR 15th of March ANYWAY... :P
  • pearlbeachlady
    If I may, may I recommend that you leave a day before or a day after March 15. Not to rain on your parade, but historically this day has had some bad... ahem....activities associated with it. Does the phrase "Beware the Ides of March" ring any bells with you? *nudge* I just want you guys to be ok traveling and starting your new lives, etc. etc. ad nauseum. Here's a Wiki link for you...
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