How I Survived the What-If Invasion of Ought Nine

by Megan M. on August 17, 2009 · 8 comments (Blog) |

Today, I am killing What-Ifs.

I started the week picking them of at a distance. Ping. Pyew. Pzam. Way off on the horizon I could see their little heads exploding. It took almost no effort. Zing. Zow. Their tiny silhouettes crumpled, silent, too far away to see clearly.

Today, they’re closer. They crawl up my shoe and I have to shake them off, kick them away so that I can get a good shot. They’re harder to hit now. Somehow, they move faster. Like zombies, you don’t want them to get too close. Each kill seems to require more effort, because they’re so close.
What-If Invasion
What if I can’t do it?

What if it all falls apart?

What if I lose my focus?

What-If InvasionWhat if I’m not as good as I thought?

I take down three of them in a row, bam, bam, bam, and reload. I’m not carrying a gun. My best defense against What-Ifs is far more effective than any firearm, but it means better concentration and quick thinking. My weapon is action.

The fourth What-If is hanging onto my left ankle, rearing back and opening its ugly little mouth wide, getting ready to chow down. Its face is a hole in the universe. I can see its sharp, shiny little teeth. I aim. I fire.


What-If Invasion

The mob drops away front of me, cut down like chaff. I erect new armor and protective barriers, those who have gone before me, reminding me that action is the course I must take. Johnny Truant. Charlie Gilkey. Tim Brownson. Eckhart Tolle. Seth Godin, and my Triiibe. Pages of compassionate accounts, ass-kicking enthusiasm, exploration of meaning, affectionate anecdotes, powerful inspirational passages like battle cries. I wash words across my face like war paint. Another What-If explodes in the distance, splattering darkness and despair like wet black dust.

I will destroy them all.

What-If Invasion

  • Martin Whitmore

    MWAhahahaha! YES! KILL THEM ALL! Here, lemme help you….

  • kyeli

    This is brilliant, and yes – just what I needed. (:

    Your words gave me chills, Megan. And then when I scrolled down and saw Marty's drawing at the end, I thought “HELL YEAH!” and punched the air.

    You go, girl. You blast those nasty What-Ifs, and I'll be here helping you load that rifle.

  • Pingback: The What-Ifs are Hungry!

  • pambelding

    Lock and Load Baby! You sooooo ROCK xooxxooxxoooxoxoxxoo Pam

  • Sarah Bray

    Oh, I love your what-if people! They are so CUTE. Pooh. Mine aren't that cute. Mine have chainsaws.

    You get 'em. :)

  • Megan M.

    WOW. If I had asked Marty to draw the What-Ifs with chainsaws instead of just with pointy little teeth, I think he would have died of bliss before he even got me the files. HA!

  • Jodi Kaplan

    Yes! Stamp out the fear! Kapow! Biff! Zap!

    Love Marty's drawings!

  • Jodi Kaplan

    Yes! Stamp out the fear! Kapow! Biff! Zap!

    Love Marty's drawings!

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